To the end of the earth and back

I couldn't write, I lost my muse. I went to the end of the earth and came back. I am still healing but it gets better everyday.

But last night I looked at his picture and realized he was not my only muse, they all are, they are all my love and inspiration. So I am back.
It was a cold day this past January 24th. I thought it was the coldness of the winter air that was causing Bear to breathe hard, but by noon that day as the dark January clouds rolled in warning of a winter snow, I realized it was more. I cried and wailed and faced the truth, it was time.

My big old fuzzy brown labby Bear would be playing with Mugsy, Magic, Max and Rupert by dinner on the other side of Rainbow bridge. I called my best doggy friend Nancy to come with me to help him make the journey. We loaded him up in the back of the car. He was having a hard time breathing but still smiled, I think he knew. My husband gave him one last hug, hsared some loving whispers and words and waved us off, quickly turning to go in, I knew he was crying.

Dr Good greeted us immediately and we rolled him in on a blue cot, probably the same one we had used for Ruperts body and Sully's bloat, I hate that cot. Once in the office all I could do is watch the large snowflakes fall and cover the dry dead grass like a soft billowy blanket as I held Bear. People came in and out to say good bye to Bear, he was a rescue legend and ambasador, he had been in the news, the paper and even had a story about him published in a book. "Not a bad bone in that dog" people would say to me.

I pleaded with Dr. Good for a magic wand she might possess to make him better, she explained he was drowning in his lungs and would painfully suffocate. Enough said.

With no magic wand to be had, I held him and loved him and told him he was the best dog ever. I covered him with kisses, told him tell the others I miss them and will see them all one day and sang softly "oh once I had a little dog his legs they were 14 yards long, his ears so very wide around the world in half a day upon him I could ride..." and then he was gone.

Two months later to the day, the same scene replayed for our lovely Cinnamon who could not beat the last stages of dogie Lupus. This time again there was no wand, and David and I sat with her singing and loving her as the spring Star magnolias were starting to bloom, their fragrance filling the air, the grass was green and fresh. I looked at Cinamon and remembrer only a day earlier she was running and playing, chasing the other dogs in the backyard I thought of the contrast of her blonde fur and the bright green grass. Again through tears we wished her a safe journey across rainbow bridge as she went.

I still cry and cant look at their pictures to long, but after a break and time to heal I am back.